Matthew 14:22-33

Jesus told me to "come" so I stepped out of the boat and placed my foot as gently as possible on the seemingly unsettled surface. This is insane. The wind feels like sharp blades as it stings my skin and tries to tear through my clothing. Raindrops take on the weight of little stones as they pelt me like I angered them. But I look straight ahead and see Jesus, my teacher, shepherd, and protector. I keep walking and with every step I take the ice cold water numbs my feet and sends chills resonating to the very tips of the hairs on my body. I have to squint in order to avoid flying debris from piercing my eyes.

And then Fear strikes. In a split second the chills compounded with the wind and rain all conglomerate into a single composite force of doubt that forces my vision from my Lord to the raging waters around me. "Oh my gosh, what the freak is going on?" I ask myself as my parasympathetic nervous system triggers my fight or flight response and my heart innately begins to flee. I am deathly distressed. All I can see are the waves. Wow they are so big and I can't see any end to them. I remember Jesus reassuring me, "Take courage. It is I. Don't be afraid," but my gaze remains fixed on my surroundings and I begin to sink. I have just witnessed this man feed five thousand people with five loaves of bread and two fish. A couple of chapters ago I have seen him heal the sick and resurrect a synagogue ruler's daughter, but doubt still fills my heart.

I get swallowed up by everything that is burdening me. "How am I going to make any money and support my family with this GPA? Is med school still an option? Man church is so hard to serve at. I feel like I am stretched so thin ministering to others. I hurt so many people. I am tired." But the Holy Spirit is good enough to intercede on my behalf and allow me to let out the cry, "Lord, save me!" And immediately Jesus reaches out his hand to deliver me. He rebukes me, out of love, for my lack of faith and proceeds to take me to safety and calm the storms within me. I am in awe and I begin to worship as I am reminded of his teaching and encouragement: "Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

He loves me and wants to disciple me and I am reminded to find peace and joy in that

BlackBerry Journey (5) // "Future Plans?"

"To be honest, I have no idea. I have a vague blur of the future in which I am doing something helpful for someone (hopefully in health care or something related), but everything is so gray. I really used to worry about it a lot, which I think is normal for all us college students (maybe even younger, sadly). What happens if I cant make enough money to support my parents or my family? What happens if I just fail at what I'm trying to achieve? I don't know, but I've been reminded day after day that God is still good. He is not only the creator, but also the sustainer and He loves me enough to provide.

With all that said, I still am not sure what career option to take at this point. I'm on a pre-med track and am down for it, but am also open to other options. I am thankful for being open so I don't let my often selfish ambition get in the way of God working. But one thing I know for sure that I would want to do in any occupation is to seek to encourage those around me. This is, thankfully, the constant conviction of my heart. I don't know why it is because people (including me) suck like 99% of the time, but for some reason God opens my heart for others and that's awesome. I think that's why I revise every blog post I write because for those (like 4) people who (I tell to) read this blog, I want the perfect words to flow from me in order to encourage them exactly where they're at.

The book of Acts is such a great reminder for me regarding encouragement because Paul goes around preaching the gospel from town to town and it accounts how he gets messed up from getting stoned or beat up by the townspeople but in the end it always states how he sought to encourage his brothers and sisters in the town. After all of that hardship, Paul's sole desire was to preach the gospel and encourage his spiritual community, Christ's body. I really hope that all of us can have that heart especially regarding our churches as we try to constantly check up on others and seek to encourage, as well as be encouraged, because we cannot go through life alone. God made us for community just as he is in the trinity.

"Then some Jews came from Antioch and Iconium and won the crowd over. They stoned Paul and dragged him outside the city, thinking he was dead. But after the disciples had gathered around him, he got up and went back into the city. The next day he and Barnabas left for Derbe. They preached the good news in that city and won a large number of disciples. Then they returned to Lystra, Iconium and Antioch, strengthening the disciples and encouraging them to stay true to the faith." Acts 14: 19-21
That's freaking crazy."

This is fairly unrelated, I just really like the song and her ^_^

BlackBerry Journey (4) // "Pacemaker"

"I just finished my Physiological Sciences midterm. I doubt I did too well, but I am grateful because I was really encouraged studying for it. I learned that the heart is definitely my favorite organ (I was surprised I had a favorite) because of its pacemaker cells. These cells are the things that keep your ventricles pumping and supplying your body with essential oxygenated blood 24/7. What I thought was crazy about them is that they are not innervated by any of the central nervous system, meaning that even if you get a massive spinal cord injury or anything that damages your nervous system, your heart keeps beating. The most vital organ of the human body that supplies every part of you with the most important source of nutrition stays alive even when you are supposed to die.

While I was studying this, I was reminded of how we are completely dead to sin. Our flesh and everything about us is utterly useless, broken, and lifeless, but our souls still flourish and thrive because they, unlike our bodies, do not depend on this world or the physics of it. Our souls remain created, purchased, and sustained by the one and only God of all. Though we were dead with our transgressions, now we live freely because of Christ's sacrifice for our redemption.

God is the creator and sustainer of everything.

aside: I highly doubt I am going to get an A in physci107, but I think it's an unbelievable blessing to see the glory of God in the course material"




aside2: I am so thankful for my brothers and sisters

I'm not good

when I'm tired. It's a problem I'm realizing that I have because I become really irritable and annoyed of people very easily and seriously end up stumbling so many people. I seriously don't know how people can handle me and not be angry. I don't think I could be able to handle myself. I have to constantly repent for being horrible

But within this it's so crazy to see God redeeming every single sin I commit against people. I hurt people and mess relationships up ALL THE TIME but God is so good ALL THE TIME that He chooses to keep fostering my friendships and provide me with people who love me even when I constantly sin against them. I am so thankful for all my friends. Thank you for being patient with me. You all are true blessings from God