Themes Pt1: Prayer
My prayer life has been growing exponentially lately and for that I praise God. If you know anything about my last academic quarter, you will find truth when I say that it was the hardest, craziest, scariest, but most redeeming quarter of my life. I think I am still unpacking all that I learned and trying to filter through the debris of all that was crumbled to ruin by God's gracious hand that still seeks to reconstruct my unworthy heart into what He desires. This last quarter was like a whirlwind of emotions and of these the most prominent was confusion. Man, I am still confused. What the heck is going on? Where am I going? It's so dark ahead. I get anxious and worried and scared. I want to linger in the past for fear of the future. How much safer is it to be retroactive than progressive?In this tumultuous period all I can do is pray. I feel so helpless and weak but out of that arises desperation for my Father's deliverance and love that I need so much. All I want to do is point towards heaven and express honest frustration and anger but always end up falling facedown realizing how undeserving I am of everything.
Prayer has, thankfully, grown into not just a conversation with God where I thank him and petition to Him, but more of a time where I can solely dwell in His presence. Lately my prayer times have been me just sitting in silence and understanding that He knows exactly how I feel and what I am going through and seeking to let him speak to me in that quiet place. I don't even know what words to say because everything is so jumbled up in my head right now, but the Holy Spirit somehow intercedes on my behalf and brings me to a place where I can abide in Him in submission and reverence. I think this is how prayer should be, not just a constant communication with our Father, but also a continual acknowledgment and immersion in His presence.
I am so tired from this quarter. I want to just relax this break
Maybe go drifting on sailboats
THEMES
It's crazy because God brings up things over and over in my life that He must really want me to be conscious of. For me lately they have been:
- Prayer. I just want to dwell with God
- God's sovereignty. Your kingdom come, your will be done...not mine
- Living for God's glory and that being enough even when it's not what I want- Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. (Your love never fails)- Missions. Jesus was the craziest missionary
- Humility. Huge planks in my eyes
- Aftermath
Elaborations to come.
