"I have become what I hate. I have let heart reside so comfortably simply dwelling in my chest. I have forgotten Your commands to love everyone around me and not just those ones where it can come at my convenience. My heart has become complacent with my state of stasis. I have felt so indifferent and purposeless these last two quarters and it is because I haven't acted on the purpose You have called me for and taken the time to reach out and genuinely love those around me.
There are times I pray that I can embody your love and for some reason always imagine myself in a hospital or on the streets loving those who are physically impaired when in reality I have people I live with, see daily, shower next to, brush my teeth in front of, that I only see or talk to when I feel like it. I trap myself in my own comfortable world of academics or tv shows and come out only when it's easy to. I am reminded of the parable of the Ten Minas where the master leaves his servants in charge of a certain amount of money and leaves. He comes back and rewards those who have been trustworthy with the small amount by making them in charge of even greater things. I feel like the last servant in the parable as I just waste opportunity after opportunity for 'profit' and instead simply remain complacent with my Ten Minas.
I am sorry to have failed You time after time by displacing my courage and staying comfortable in order to avoid any source of awkwardness or vexation on my part. I am thankful, however, that you still bless me with more chances to reach out and love day after day. I pray that I can become more and more like Jesus and the example he set in always initiating with people and meeting them where they are at, instead of having them always approach him. How crazy is it that the King of kings would offer to become just like me and through that show me Love? How crazy is it that You call us to do the same?
I am thankful that, regardless of my many stumbling blocks, you are still helping me Learn to Love."
Here are some of my goals for 2010. I am posting these so that everyone can help keep me accountable in accomplishing them throughout the year. 2009 was an eventful and crazy year in many aspects and I'll hopefully update more on that once I can process what happened throughout it.
resolutions: - Don't text message while listening to someone during a conversation. (does not apply during lecture.) - Look up definitions to every word I do not know when reading something. Stop relying so much on context clues. - Learn to dribble comfortably with both my right and left hands. - Work out/play basketball at least once a week. - Learn more medical terms. (So I can impress hot girl doctors with jargon. Just kidding.) - Practice, not just play, guitar. Find new sounds with effects. - Get straight A's. - Update my blog at least twice a month. - Write in my journal everyday. - Meet Taylor Swift, realize how much taller she is than me, and then lose all hope in our possible future relationship - Finish the Old Testament and talk to people about parts I do not understand in it. - Read Mere Christianity and actually understand it. - Seek after God expectantly and wholeheartedly.
1 year to accomplish.
aside: I think one of the most memorable lessons I learned throughout the year is that glorifying God = loving Him and loving others. It's as simple/as hard as that.
