What I Have Become
Journal Entry:
"I have become what I hate. I have let heart reside so comfortably simply dwelling in my chest. I have forgotten Your commands to love everyone around me and not just those ones where it can come at my convenience. My heart has become complacent with my state of stasis. I have felt so indifferent and purposeless these last two quarters and it is because I haven't acted on the purpose You have called me for and taken the time to reach out and genuinely love those around me.
There are times I pray that I can embody your love and for some reason always imagine myself in a hospital or on the streets loving those who are physically impaired when in reality I have people I live with, see daily, shower next to, brush my teeth in front of, that I only see or talk to when I feel like it. I trap myself in my own comfortable world of academics or tv shows and come out only when it's easy to. I am reminded of the parable of the Ten Minas where the master leaves his servants in charge of a certain amount of money and leaves. He comes back and rewards those who have been trustworthy with the small amount by making them in charge of even greater things. I feel like the last servant in the parable as I just waste opportunity after opportunity for 'profit' and instead simply remain complacent with my Ten Minas.
I am sorry to have failed You time after time by displacing my courage and staying comfortable in order to avoid any source of awkwardness or vexation on my part. I am thankful, however, that you still bless me with more chances to reach out and love day after day. I pray that I can become more and more like Jesus and the example he set in always initiating with people and meeting them where they are at, instead of having them always approach him. How crazy is it that the King of kings would offer to become just like me and through that show me Love? How crazy is it that You call us to do the same?
I am thankful that, regardless of my many stumbling blocks, you are still helping me Learn to Love."
"I have become what I hate. I have let heart reside so comfortably simply dwelling in my chest. I have forgotten Your commands to love everyone around me and not just those ones where it can come at my convenience. My heart has become complacent with my state of stasis. I have felt so indifferent and purposeless these last two quarters and it is because I haven't acted on the purpose You have called me for and taken the time to reach out and genuinely love those around me.
There are times I pray that I can embody your love and for some reason always imagine myself in a hospital or on the streets loving those who are physically impaired when in reality I have people I live with, see daily, shower next to, brush my teeth in front of, that I only see or talk to when I feel like it. I trap myself in my own comfortable world of academics or tv shows and come out only when it's easy to. I am reminded of the parable of the Ten Minas where the master leaves his servants in charge of a certain amount of money and leaves. He comes back and rewards those who have been trustworthy with the small amount by making them in charge of even greater things. I feel like the last servant in the parable as I just waste opportunity after opportunity for 'profit' and instead simply remain complacent with my Ten Minas.
I am sorry to have failed You time after time by displacing my courage and staying comfortable in order to avoid any source of awkwardness or vexation on my part. I am thankful, however, that you still bless me with more chances to reach out and love day after day. I pray that I can become more and more like Jesus and the example he set in always initiating with people and meeting them where they are at, instead of having them always approach him. How crazy is it that the King of kings would offer to become just like me and through that show me Love? How crazy is it that You call us to do the same?
I am thankful that, regardless of my many stumbling blocks, you are still helping me Learn to Love."
posted by brybrykang at
11:25 PM
3 Comments:
bryan you are amazing.
You're so humble its crazy. and inspirational.
Striving to have the humble of God.
ditto to what hyunjean said
and you word everything so perfectly!
i admire your faith SO much.
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