This is an important song to me. take a listen
hillsong - you hold me now
more updates to come
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
What I Have Become
Journal Entry:
"I have become what I hate. I have let heart reside so comfortably simply dwelling in my chest. I have forgotten Your commands to love everyone around me and not just those ones where it can come at my convenience. My heart has become complacent with my state of stasis. I have felt so indifferent and purposeless these last two quarters and it is because I haven't acted on the purpose You have called me for and taken the time to reach out and genuinely love those around me.
There are times I pray that I can embody your love and for some reason always imagine myself in a hospital or on the streets loving those who are physically impaired when in reality I have people I live with, see daily, shower next to, brush my teeth in front of, that I only see or talk to when I feel like it. I trap myself in my own comfortable world of academics or tv shows and come out only when it's easy to. I am reminded of the parable of the Ten Minas where the master leaves his servants in charge of a certain amount of money and leaves. He comes back and rewards those who have been trustworthy with the small amount by making them in charge of even greater things. I feel like the last servant in the parable as I just waste opportunity after opportunity for 'profit' and instead simply remain complacent with my Ten Minas.
I am sorry to have failed You time after time by displacing my courage and staying comfortable in order to avoid any source of awkwardness or vexation on my part. I am thankful, however, that you still bless me with more chances to reach out and love day after day. I pray that I can become more and more like Jesus and the example he set in always initiating with people and meeting them where they are at, instead of having them always approach him. How crazy is it that the King of kings would offer to become just like me and through that show me Love? How crazy is it that You call us to do the same?
I am thankful that, regardless of my many stumbling blocks, you are still helping me Learn to Love."
"I have become what I hate. I have let heart reside so comfortably simply dwelling in my chest. I have forgotten Your commands to love everyone around me and not just those ones where it can come at my convenience. My heart has become complacent with my state of stasis. I have felt so indifferent and purposeless these last two quarters and it is because I haven't acted on the purpose You have called me for and taken the time to reach out and genuinely love those around me.
There are times I pray that I can embody your love and for some reason always imagine myself in a hospital or on the streets loving those who are physically impaired when in reality I have people I live with, see daily, shower next to, brush my teeth in front of, that I only see or talk to when I feel like it. I trap myself in my own comfortable world of academics or tv shows and come out only when it's easy to. I am reminded of the parable of the Ten Minas where the master leaves his servants in charge of a certain amount of money and leaves. He comes back and rewards those who have been trustworthy with the small amount by making them in charge of even greater things. I feel like the last servant in the parable as I just waste opportunity after opportunity for 'profit' and instead simply remain complacent with my Ten Minas.
I am sorry to have failed You time after time by displacing my courage and staying comfortable in order to avoid any source of awkwardness or vexation on my part. I am thankful, however, that you still bless me with more chances to reach out and love day after day. I pray that I can become more and more like Jesus and the example he set in always initiating with people and meeting them where they are at, instead of having them always approach him. How crazy is it that the King of kings would offer to become just like me and through that show me Love? How crazy is it that You call us to do the same?
I am thankful that, regardless of my many stumbling blocks, you are still helping me Learn to Love."
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Resolution 2010
Here are some of my goals for 2010. I am posting these so that everyone can help keep me accountable in accomplishing them throughout the year. 2009 was an eventful and crazy year in many aspects and I'll hopefully update more on that once I can process what happened throughout it.
resolutions:
- Don't text message while listening to someone during a conversation. (does not apply during lecture.)
- Look up definitions to every word I do not know when reading something. Stop relying so much on context clues.
- Learn to dribble comfortably with both my right and left hands.
- Work out/play basketball at least once a week.
- Learn more medical terms. (So I can impress hot girl doctors with jargon. Just kidding.)
- Practice, not just play, guitar. Find new sounds with effects.
- Get straight A's.
- Update my blog at least twice a month.
- Write in my journal everyday.
- Meet Taylor Swift, realize how much taller she is than me, and then lose all hope in our possible future relationship
- Finish the Old Testament and talk to people about parts I do not understand in it.
- Read Mere Christianity and actually understand it.
- Seek after God expectantly and wholeheartedly.
1 year to accomplish.
aside:
I think one of the most memorable lessons I learned throughout the year is that glorifying God = loving Him and loving others. It's as simple/as hard as that.
here's to another year!
resolutions:
- Don't text message while listening to someone during a conversation. (does not apply during lecture.)
- Look up definitions to every word I do not know when reading something. Stop relying so much on context clues.
- Learn to dribble comfortably with both my right and left hands.
- Work out/play basketball at least once a week.
- Learn more medical terms. (So I can impress hot girl doctors with jargon. Just kidding.)
- Practice, not just play, guitar. Find new sounds with effects.
- Get straight A's.
- Update my blog at least twice a month.
- Write in my journal everyday.
- Meet Taylor Swift, realize how much taller she is than me, and then lose all hope in our possible future relationship
- Finish the Old Testament and talk to people about parts I do not understand in it.
- Read Mere Christianity and actually understand it.
- Seek after God expectantly and wholeheartedly.
1 year to accomplish.
aside:
I think one of the most memorable lessons I learned throughout the year is that glorifying God = loving Him and loving others. It's as simple/as hard as that.
here's to another year!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
The Glass of Water
I've been thinking about Hope a lot lately because sometimes I feel like it is all I have.
Amidst a quarter saturated with rejection and failure, I am thankful that my heat could remain hopeful and content.
This was an important conversation I had today with an oncologist (doctor who deals with cancer) and it blew my mind:
Me: How can you deal with delivering that heartbreaking news of testing positive for cancer to your patients on a daily basis? It must be so rough...
Oncologist: I think it's a blessing to be an oncologist because of the opportunity to be the one to support your patient and provide him or her with a glimpse of hope when they need it the most. I feel like when dealing with cancer, you always have to look at the glass half full because, to be honest, that's all we can do a lot of the time. Often times when people hear the words, ' you have cancer,' they automatically associate with a verdict for a life sentence and think that their lives are finished, but in reality there is always room to fight for it. The thing that's really interesting about medicine is that, regardless of the science associated with it, a lot of it actually has to do with the patient's spirit and will to live and while you should do everything you can for your patient medically, sometimes the best thing you can do for him or her is to express a sense of hope, and more importantly, love.
I praise God for good doctors. I praise God for Hope.
Amidst a quarter saturated with rejection and failure, I am thankful that my heat could remain hopeful and content.
This was an important conversation I had today with an oncologist (doctor who deals with cancer) and it blew my mind:
Me: How can you deal with delivering that heartbreaking news of testing positive for cancer to your patients on a daily basis? It must be so rough...
Oncologist: I think it's a blessing to be an oncologist because of the opportunity to be the one to support your patient and provide him or her with a glimpse of hope when they need it the most. I feel like when dealing with cancer, you always have to look at the glass half full because, to be honest, that's all we can do a lot of the time. Often times when people hear the words, ' you have cancer,' they automatically associate with a verdict for a life sentence and think that their lives are finished, but in reality there is always room to fight for it. The thing that's really interesting about medicine is that, regardless of the science associated with it, a lot of it actually has to do with the patient's spirit and will to live and while you should do everything you can for your patient medically, sometimes the best thing you can do for him or her is to express a sense of hope, and more importantly, love.
I praise God for good doctors. I praise God for Hope.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
My Update
Lately I've been realizing that when I talk to people, I spend a lot more time asking them questions and listening to their responses (which I enjoy listening to sooo much. I'm thankful for quality conversations and updates.) than actually saying how I am myself. I guess that's why I like blogging because I feel like this is where my voice is, at least virtually.
How are you doing Bryan?
The theme of "square-one" has been resonating strongly in my life lately as I try my best to wait patiently for God to direct me somewhere, anywhere. Maybe show me a sign or a glimpse of what I should be doing or who I should be spending more time with or something, anything. I'll be honest it's so frustrating sometimes. I wrote a blog like a month ago where I listed all the projects I was currently working on and in the end I didn't get accepted to any. I was definitely initially annoyed and deflated internally but I am grateful for those opportunities. I am grateful that God is taking control and guiding me through rejection onto the path he set before me. I am grateful that I am learning patience and trust even though it's so hard most of the time.
I have also been thinking about the phrase "learning to breathe" and all that it implies. I really like this song title and lyric because it captures this necessity for us to sometimes drop what we're doing and return back to the basics. So many times I feel like I am too caught up in progress and advancing that I lose track of my foundation. In the spiritual sense, I get too involved and saturate my schedule with anything and everything whether it's praise band at church or going to small group or meeting up with people, and in the end I let these things and events define my faith instead of the root of it all, God's grace and love for me. So lately I have been going back to the basics, or at least what I envision as "basic," and seeking to build upon that foundation of grace. I'm trying to memorize more scripture in order to just have something to meditate on throughout the day when I'm walking to and from class and I'm setting time aside to just pray because sometimes I just need time to not only talk to God but listen.
Listening has been a big thing I've been working on lately (maybe this is the reason I am compelled to write a blog on how I am doing), and I mean it in the healthiest way possible. I kind of want to become a good listener, like a pro or all-star level. As weird as that sounds, I want to better express my care for people in the form of listening to them more efficiently, especially when they need it most.
this picture reminds me of the importance of Perspective.
Thanksgiving is coming up and I have too much to be thankful for. I think that in itself is an amazing blessing.
How are you doing Bryan?
The theme of "square-one" has been resonating strongly in my life lately as I try my best to wait patiently for God to direct me somewhere, anywhere. Maybe show me a sign or a glimpse of what I should be doing or who I should be spending more time with or something, anything. I'll be honest it's so frustrating sometimes. I wrote a blog like a month ago where I listed all the projects I was currently working on and in the end I didn't get accepted to any. I was definitely initially annoyed and deflated internally but I am grateful for those opportunities. I am grateful that God is taking control and guiding me through rejection onto the path he set before me. I am grateful that I am learning patience and trust even though it's so hard most of the time.
I have also been thinking about the phrase "learning to breathe" and all that it implies. I really like this song title and lyric because it captures this necessity for us to sometimes drop what we're doing and return back to the basics. So many times I feel like I am too caught up in progress and advancing that I lose track of my foundation. In the spiritual sense, I get too involved and saturate my schedule with anything and everything whether it's praise band at church or going to small group or meeting up with people, and in the end I let these things and events define my faith instead of the root of it all, God's grace and love for me. So lately I have been going back to the basics, or at least what I envision as "basic," and seeking to build upon that foundation of grace. I'm trying to memorize more scripture in order to just have something to meditate on throughout the day when I'm walking to and from class and I'm setting time aside to just pray because sometimes I just need time to not only talk to God but listen.
Listening has been a big thing I've been working on lately (maybe this is the reason I am compelled to write a blog on how I am doing), and I mean it in the healthiest way possible. I kind of want to become a good listener, like a pro or all-star level. As weird as that sounds, I want to better express my care for people in the form of listening to them more efficiently, especially when they need it most.
this picture reminds me of the importance of Perspective.
Thanksgiving is coming up and I have too much to be thankful for. I think that in itself is an amazing blessing.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Life Science 1 + 2 / here's to the bio nerds
If you get to know me, you'll find that I am a nerd and one subject that I really enjoy learning about is biology and especially on the molecular level. Right now I am currently reviewing for my midterm tomorrow and I can gratefully say that I am easily learning the information as opposed to simply studying it. I am intrigued by the intricacies of cells and what happens to them when there is a deficit of sodium ions or what happens to lysosomes to cause Tay Sachs disease. I am constantly blown away at how every single vesicle is directed to a specific destination by a particular messenger protein on its membrane or how mitochondria are so well equipped that they can provide us energy through both aerobic and anaerobic respiration.
In the end, I think the most attractive thing about biology is that it constantly reminds me of God's glory and perfection whenever I study it. All the things that I described in the previous paragraph work in such an ideal unison and beautiful symmetry to allow us to live our lives normally everyday. God gifted us with these amazing bodies that are able to automatically utilize the nutrients that we consume into various tasks throughout the day. When I look at it I cant help but be in awe of the excellency in craftsmanship. I think the more and more I study biology, the more and more I get to see a glimpse of God's perfection and love for His creation as I begin to observe and appreciate how flawless we actually are. In His word it says that we were made in His image and I am learning to believe that more everyday as I realize that our bodies are, like God, pretty perfect.
I recently saw Louis Giglio's sermon about how great God and it was encouraging to hear us thinking the same thing about God's completely visual presence within biology and our own bodies. He used this protein as an example:
It's named "Laminin" and like any protein in our body, its specific structure is a necessity to its function. The crazy thing about this protein is that it is integral for the building of almost every tissue in the human body and holding everything together. If deficient in this single protein, we would suffer from muscular dystrophy and the improper formation of muscles and mutated growth. I think it's crazy that God planned this protein specifically to look like a cross because they both pretty much provide the same function in our lives. Without the cross present in every tissue of our body the same disastrous consequences will unfold and leave us spiritually disfigured and crippled. What a crazy reminder, even within the realm of science, of the foundation of our faith. I'm def amazed.
In the end, I think the most attractive thing about biology is that it constantly reminds me of God's glory and perfection whenever I study it. All the things that I described in the previous paragraph work in such an ideal unison and beautiful symmetry to allow us to live our lives normally everyday. God gifted us with these amazing bodies that are able to automatically utilize the nutrients that we consume into various tasks throughout the day. When I look at it I cant help but be in awe of the excellency in craftsmanship. I think the more and more I study biology, the more and more I get to see a glimpse of God's perfection and love for His creation as I begin to observe and appreciate how flawless we actually are. In His word it says that we were made in His image and I am learning to believe that more everyday as I realize that our bodies are, like God, pretty perfect.
I recently saw Louis Giglio's sermon about how great God and it was encouraging to hear us thinking the same thing about God's completely visual presence within biology and our own bodies. He used this protein as an example:
It's named "Laminin" and like any protein in our body, its specific structure is a necessity to its function. The crazy thing about this protein is that it is integral for the building of almost every tissue in the human body and holding everything together. If deficient in this single protein, we would suffer from muscular dystrophy and the improper formation of muscles and mutated growth. I think it's crazy that God planned this protein specifically to look like a cross because they both pretty much provide the same function in our lives. Without the cross present in every tissue of our body the same disastrous consequences will unfold and leave us spiritually disfigured and crippled. What a crazy reminder, even within the realm of science, of the foundation of our faith. I'm def amazed.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Patience
aside: I usually don't post this often but I felt like this journal entry was an important expression of what I've been feeling and thinking about. It also had a very poetic essence to me when I re-read it today.
10/06/09:
"I realized that I hate that word [patience]. It's just so hard to remain patient in times of good or bad. It's hard to let things keep rolling instead of me taking control. It's hard for me to trust that things will work out when I'm not driving the car. I'm like a backseat driver for my life. It's hard for me to wait on you for relationships. It's hard for me to trust that something is coming when I'm ready. Only when I'm ready. I'm scared of being alone because I am so sick of it already. I hate feeling like I have to face things as a lone ranger. I have to get through life with trial and error. I've trusted myself for so long, how can I let it go now? But in the end, you want to heal me and you want to be everything for me and I want you to be everything for me too. I want you to be my everything but I just keep slipping back into sin and my own selfish desire.
I thank you for fighting for me everyday. I thank you for running after me when I deliberately choose to walk away. When will it be time? When will this road in front of me clear up? In the end, I just want to know and share your love even more so I pray that you keep molding my heart and allow me to find refuge in you alone. Thank you so much for the strength to get through school and keep doing work. Thank you for Your love and grace that you shower upon me everyday even when I don't deserve it. May You be more than enough."
Brooke Fraser - hymn
10/06/09:
"I realized that I hate that word [patience]. It's just so hard to remain patient in times of good or bad. It's hard to let things keep rolling instead of me taking control. It's hard for me to trust that things will work out when I'm not driving the car. I'm like a backseat driver for my life. It's hard for me to wait on you for relationships. It's hard for me to trust that something is coming when I'm ready. Only when I'm ready. I'm scared of being alone because I am so sick of it already. I hate feeling like I have to face things as a lone ranger. I have to get through life with trial and error. I've trusted myself for so long, how can I let it go now? But in the end, you want to heal me and you want to be everything for me and I want you to be everything for me too. I want you to be my everything but I just keep slipping back into sin and my own selfish desire.
I thank you for fighting for me everyday. I thank you for running after me when I deliberately choose to walk away. When will it be time? When will this road in front of me clear up? In the end, I just want to know and share your love even more so I pray that you keep molding my heart and allow me to find refuge in you alone. Thank you so much for the strength to get through school and keep doing work. Thank you for Your love and grace that you shower upon me everyday even when I don't deserve it. May You be more than enough."
Brooke Fraser - hymn
Sunday, October 11, 2009
My Bryan-centric Universe
Lately I've been very thankful for the opportunities I am immersed in at college. The fact that I get to apply for so many programs and places is truly unbelievable and I am humbled by God's grace once again.
Updates:
Daily Bruin - not accepted. (initially I was surprised/bummed because I sent them what I thought were some of my best writing samples but it's all good now. I get to go to activities on saturdays which I am highly thankful for)
EMRA - applying / interviewing tomorrow. (I didn't get accepted last year because I bombed my interview but I am thankful for a second chance. Hopefully they give me a chance.)
APA Health Care - applied
Ronald Reagan Volunteer - applied / excited to start and interact with patients!
Campus Movie Fest - no idea
The negative to everything I've been doing lately is that whenever I am dunked into a sea of stuff to do, I often spend too much time chasing after things and focusing solely on my goal and end destinations that I forget to appreciate everything along the way. I find myself too entranced with what I am striving for to even take time to think and care about my friends around me and I don't want that to happen now. So please keep me accountable when I begin to monologue about what I'm currently doing, what I have done, or how amazing I am and remind me that the universe is far from being Bryan-centric.
My playlist the last couple weeks:
Jon Foreman - white as snow
Coldplay - glass of water
Chris Tomlin - enough / overflow
Phil Wickham - i will wait for you there / cannons
Lifehouse - who we are
Chris Brown - forever (I think it's because of Jim and Pam's wedding.)
Regina Spektor - eet (I have been intrigued by this woman. This song's instrumental part has an amazing melody.)
My current desktop background:
Here's Regina:
Updates:
Daily Bruin - not accepted. (initially I was surprised/bummed because I sent them what I thought were some of my best writing samples but it's all good now. I get to go to activities on saturdays which I am highly thankful for)
EMRA - applying / interviewing tomorrow. (I didn't get accepted last year because I bombed my interview but I am thankful for a second chance. Hopefully they give me a chance.)
APA Health Care - applied
Ronald Reagan Volunteer - applied / excited to start and interact with patients!
Campus Movie Fest - no idea
The negative to everything I've been doing lately is that whenever I am dunked into a sea of stuff to do, I often spend too much time chasing after things and focusing solely on my goal and end destinations that I forget to appreciate everything along the way. I find myself too entranced with what I am striving for to even take time to think and care about my friends around me and I don't want that to happen now. So please keep me accountable when I begin to monologue about what I'm currently doing, what I have done, or how amazing I am and remind me that the universe is far from being Bryan-centric.
My playlist the last couple weeks:
Jon Foreman - white as snow
Coldplay - glass of water
Chris Tomlin - enough / overflow
Phil Wickham - i will wait for you there / cannons
Lifehouse - who we are
Chris Brown - forever (I think it's because of Jim and Pam's wedding.)
Regina Spektor - eet (I have been intrigued by this woman. This song's instrumental part has an amazing melody.)
My current desktop background:
Here's Regina:
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
The True "Love Story"
If you get to know me, you'll soon find out that one girl whom I've had a significant interest in recently is Taylor Swift. I will admit, she isn't some awe inspiring singer or killer guitarist and her music isn't anything close to being noteworthy in terms of skill or intricacy, but in the end what I appreciate most about her is that she is honest and expresses her heart through genuine lyrics (discounting the fact that I cant really relate to certain songs...i.e. "Hey Stephen"). Amidst our Katy Perry and Lady Gaga mainstream music culture of purely superficial single tracks banking on some chorus that is too damn catchy (every time I hear "Paparazzi" or "Waking Up In Vegas" it gets stuck in my head), Taylor stands out as an artist who delivers something heartfelt.
But as with any growing relationship, accountability is a must and I feel like I need to call attention to Taylor's fanciful depiction of love in her single, "Love Story." I'll admit I enjoy listening to the song and I will indeed label it as 'cute,' but in the end it simply remains a fairytale. I remember one day I was standing in line at the bank and in front of me was a mother and her teenage daughter when "Love Story" started playing in the background. As it played, the daughter turned to her mother and said very emphatically, "Taylor Swift doesn't know anything about love. She makes it sound so easy in this song. What a fake." Restraining my initial response to punch her for insulting Taylor, I realized that this young teenager was actually completely correct; Taylor simplifies love to be something that is way too easy. She paints this elaborate, comfortable, eloquent, desirable image of how all the "Romeos" and "Juliets" will be chilling happily ever after while riding Gandolf's white stallion into the sunset with the recitation of a single "yes."
Sorry Taylor, but I think you're wrong. As much as I wish relationships worked out that smoothly and easily, I don't think True Love is like that at all. One thing I learned throughout the strenuous/arduous/laborious course of last year is that True Love isn't simply something that spontaneously sprouts out of mutual feelings of desire and passion but is actually one that must be cultivated through countless times of sacrifice. The amazing thing is that True Love doesn't even stop after one instance of offering, but actually desires to give up more and more each and every day. It isn't just willing to sacrifice for someone, but it desires to. In the end we have to look back to the True "Love Story" of God's love for His creation throughout all of time and realize that the Love God expresses is the ultimate definition of Truth. Though He already willingly sacrificed his son once and for all as atonement for our sins, the beauty of God's grace and love is that he still reaches out to us everyday. While our hearts strive to experience easier, more tangible stimuli that we mistakenly identify as love and end up getting hurt by, God actually opens his arms even wider so that we can return to him. While we push, kick, and shove Him away with all our sin proclaiming in arrogance that we can find something out there better than him, God still runs after us with a heart of compassion that endures it all. Some days we might declare our love for Him through worship and praise but once life begins to go astray, we easily give him the cold shoulder. But God's Love is too strong and He actually chooses to forget our past and continue to do whatever it takes to have a relationship with His creation.
In the end, God is sacrifice.
God is True Love.
It's def the glasses.
aside: I am already so busy, this year is going to be ridiculous...like this picture
But as with any growing relationship, accountability is a must and I feel like I need to call attention to Taylor's fanciful depiction of love in her single, "Love Story." I'll admit I enjoy listening to the song and I will indeed label it as 'cute,' but in the end it simply remains a fairytale. I remember one day I was standing in line at the bank and in front of me was a mother and her teenage daughter when "Love Story" started playing in the background. As it played, the daughter turned to her mother and said very emphatically, "Taylor Swift doesn't know anything about love. She makes it sound so easy in this song. What a fake." Restraining my initial response to punch her for insulting Taylor, I realized that this young teenager was actually completely correct; Taylor simplifies love to be something that is way too easy. She paints this elaborate, comfortable, eloquent, desirable image of how all the "Romeos" and "Juliets" will be chilling happily ever after while riding Gandolf's white stallion into the sunset with the recitation of a single "yes."
Sorry Taylor, but I think you're wrong. As much as I wish relationships worked out that smoothly and easily, I don't think True Love is like that at all. One thing I learned throughout the strenuous/arduous/laborious course of last year is that True Love isn't simply something that spontaneously sprouts out of mutual feelings of desire and passion but is actually one that must be cultivated through countless times of sacrifice. The amazing thing is that True Love doesn't even stop after one instance of offering, but actually desires to give up more and more each and every day. It isn't just willing to sacrifice for someone, but it desires to. In the end we have to look back to the True "Love Story" of God's love for His creation throughout all of time and realize that the Love God expresses is the ultimate definition of Truth. Though He already willingly sacrificed his son once and for all as atonement for our sins, the beauty of God's grace and love is that he still reaches out to us everyday. While our hearts strive to experience easier, more tangible stimuli that we mistakenly identify as love and end up getting hurt by, God actually opens his arms even wider so that we can return to him. While we push, kick, and shove Him away with all our sin proclaiming in arrogance that we can find something out there better than him, God still runs after us with a heart of compassion that endures it all. Some days we might declare our love for Him through worship and praise but once life begins to go astray, we easily give him the cold shoulder. But God's Love is too strong and He actually chooses to forget our past and continue to do whatever it takes to have a relationship with His creation.
In the end, God is sacrifice.
God is True Love.
It's def the glasses.
aside: I am already so busy, this year is going to be ridiculous...like this picture
Sunday, September 27, 2009
My Ode to Music
For some reason I feel like it's a lot harder to write blogs lately. Maybe it's because something is lingering in my brain and feasting on all my neruons and not allowing me to think of anything else, or maybe because I'm not in an "acceptable creative environment," or maybe because I'm realizing that people actually take time to read my writings (thank you so much, I appreciate it greatly) and now feel an obligation to write osmething that is nothign short of being a combination of, life changing, moving, inspiring, and entertaining. But this week in my screenwriting discussion, my TA kept stresing that a writer's best work usually comes from when he writes about what he knows and cares about so I decided to take his advice and write about one of my greatest passions.
Whenever I'm walking to class or en route anywhere, you will most likely see me listening to my beloved ipod focused entirely on the melodies it transmits. I think that God engineered me with the personality and ears to appreciate and relate to music on a very specific level. One trend by which I can describe myself is definitely my constant pursuit of balance (strictly in the internal sense because I'm not much of a surfer or ice skater...). Whether it is majoring in English while taking all these med school requirement classes or abbreviating a majority of my notes with math symbols (my favs: < / > signs, the operations: + / -, the "therefore" sign with three dots in a triangle, the greek letter delta meaning "change"), my heart always leans towards some sort of equilibrium.
The amazing thing about music to me is that it acts as the epitome of balance. At the foundation, music is completely mathematical and based on distinct patterns amongst the notes with every melody and chord structure ever imagined stemming from the octet, eight notes that make up the scale of a particular key at a particular octave. And even on the sonic plane, sound waves are ultimately sine/cosine graphs with varying amplitudes and frequencies. But the products of these integral (pun definitely intended) mathematical functions are various and unique sense of emotion. The beauty of music for me is that specific mathematical changes in graphs of various functions and sound waves have the ability to somehow resonate significant feeling within my soul.
And of course genuine and meaningful lyrics help too.
Jon Foreman: one of the most honest musicians
and I thought this picture was hilarious:
Whenever I'm walking to class or en route anywhere, you will most likely see me listening to my beloved ipod focused entirely on the melodies it transmits. I think that God engineered me with the personality and ears to appreciate and relate to music on a very specific level. One trend by which I can describe myself is definitely my constant pursuit of balance (strictly in the internal sense because I'm not much of a surfer or ice skater...). Whether it is majoring in English while taking all these med school requirement classes or abbreviating a majority of my notes with math symbols (my favs: < / > signs, the operations: + / -, the "therefore" sign with three dots in a triangle, the greek letter delta meaning "change"), my heart always leans towards some sort of equilibrium.
The amazing thing about music to me is that it acts as the epitome of balance. At the foundation, music is completely mathematical and based on distinct patterns amongst the notes with every melody and chord structure ever imagined stemming from the octet, eight notes that make up the scale of a particular key at a particular octave. And even on the sonic plane, sound waves are ultimately sine/cosine graphs with varying amplitudes and frequencies. But the products of these integral (pun definitely intended) mathematical functions are various and unique sense of emotion. The beauty of music for me is that specific mathematical changes in graphs of various functions and sound waves have the ability to somehow resonate significant feeling within my soul.
And of course genuine and meaningful lyrics help too.
Jon Foreman: one of the most honest musicians
and I thought this picture was hilarious:
Friday, August 28, 2009
'All I Want Is...'
I wrote this a while ago but it definitely has been a resounding theme throughout the last couple months.
"I find that a lot of times in life I come to God without any words to say. I come to him tired and burdened, weary and broken and on the verge of apathy. There are those times where I just lay down on my bed and let my mind drift off trying to come up with any combination of words that I can express to God in order to tell him what is on my heart and ultimately I fail to do so. His grace, however, refuses to let me fail as it grants me assistance through the Spirit. I really like the verse in Romans 8:26 that says, “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.” Like that verse says, as I lay there on my bed, I really believe that it is the Spirit that always leads me back to the simple but important bridge of the song “For This Cause” that says, “all I want is You, Jesus.”
Amidst the chaos of everyday life, God knows the magnitude of how much and how often I need to pray this prayer of redirection and refocus on the one constant, the ultimate sufficiency. I go about everyday throwing my heart at every tangible and easy route to some sort of stimulation I associate with happiness only to end up with the same emptiness and bitterness and grief. But God loves me too much to give up on my heart and brings it back to pray this prayer again and again and ask to be consumed by His presence and nothing else.
I just want more of You."
this is completely unrelated to the post...
But this is a picture from back in the day (2006 nba eastern conference finals miami heat [go dwade] vs. detroit pistons [you guys are done this season]) and it is one of my favorite pictures of all time. I freaking love it. The game, as you can probably tell, is at miami florida but that did not stop this single pistons fan, though consumed by a sea of white, to proudly cheer for his team when they scored. That's what I'm talkin' about.
I greatly admire his courage and team pride.
"I find that a lot of times in life I come to God without any words to say. I come to him tired and burdened, weary and broken and on the verge of apathy. There are those times where I just lay down on my bed and let my mind drift off trying to come up with any combination of words that I can express to God in order to tell him what is on my heart and ultimately I fail to do so. His grace, however, refuses to let me fail as it grants me assistance through the Spirit. I really like the verse in Romans 8:26 that says, “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.” Like that verse says, as I lay there on my bed, I really believe that it is the Spirit that always leads me back to the simple but important bridge of the song “For This Cause” that says, “all I want is You, Jesus.”
Amidst the chaos of everyday life, God knows the magnitude of how much and how often I need to pray this prayer of redirection and refocus on the one constant, the ultimate sufficiency. I go about everyday throwing my heart at every tangible and easy route to some sort of stimulation I associate with happiness only to end up with the same emptiness and bitterness and grief. But God loves me too much to give up on my heart and brings it back to pray this prayer again and again and ask to be consumed by His presence and nothing else.
I just want more of You."
this is completely unrelated to the post...
But this is a picture from back in the day (2006 nba eastern conference finals miami heat [go dwade] vs. detroit pistons [you guys are done this season]) and it is one of my favorite pictures of all time. I freaking love it. The game, as you can probably tell, is at miami florida but that did not stop this single pistons fan, though consumed by a sea of white, to proudly cheer for his team when they scored. That's what I'm talkin' about.
I greatly admire his courage and team pride.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
I Freaking Suck With Girls
I tried for a very long time to think of a better, more eloquently way of saying my tragic downfall as a man for the title of this blog post but I couldn’t think of one besides the single truth: I freaking suck when it comes to interacting with girls. There is something about my brain that causes it to basically go crazy and turn into a turbo/noz/bargardi-1000-crazy-horsepower-shizzle-car quickly causing an internal meltdown that just shuts down all my common sense fluid banks and eventually depletes my entire spirit. They should just harvest this mysterious chemical from my brain and distribute it to women everywhere to use instead of mace when a sleezy guy tries to hit on them: 1. It’s a lot less deadly and will inflict a smaller number of possible casualties, 2. I’m sure it’s utterly hilarious to see the guy completely bomb his encounter with the woman. Genuine entertainment.
But one thing I’ve come to believe and cherish from this disability is that much like myself, other people deserve second chances. I am reminded of the old idiom that first impressions (well, in my case second, third, fourth, and well past my tenth impression) of a person are just “tips of the iceberg” with thousands upon thousands of gallons of frozen personality ready to thaw out at any moment under the person’s elastic skin surface. I really believe that God wired my-quirky-“acquired taste”-self like this in order to help me learn and live out what it means to not judge people based on first impression. To be honest, it freaking sucks not getting a second chance with not only girls but also more importantly, people in general. I think it ultimately returns to the beauty of God’s grace, the underlying principle of life, that though we were imperfect and completely undeserving, he gave us the concluding second chance ushering in our own salvation from our own filthy transgression. But the beauty of that grace does not end there, rather it actually allows Him to still draw us even closer to himself every single day regardless of our faults the day before. How many second chances would that make?
Speaking of girls...
those glasses look familiar...holla!
p.s. district 9 is a solid movie
But one thing I’ve come to believe and cherish from this disability is that much like myself, other people deserve second chances. I am reminded of the old idiom that first impressions (well, in my case second, third, fourth, and well past my tenth impression) of a person are just “tips of the iceberg” with thousands upon thousands of gallons of frozen personality ready to thaw out at any moment under the person’s elastic skin surface. I really believe that God wired my-quirky-“acquired taste”-self like this in order to help me learn and live out what it means to not judge people based on first impression. To be honest, it freaking sucks not getting a second chance with not only girls but also more importantly, people in general. I think it ultimately returns to the beauty of God’s grace, the underlying principle of life, that though we were imperfect and completely undeserving, he gave us the concluding second chance ushering in our own salvation from our own filthy transgression. But the beauty of that grace does not end there, rather it actually allows Him to still draw us even closer to himself every single day regardless of our faults the day before. How many second chances would that make?
Speaking of girls...
those glasses look familiar...holla!
p.s. district 9 is a solid movie
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