desperation

this has been the reigning theme of my entire year. I realized how sometimes everything around me and within me needs to crumble for me to see how little I can depend on myself and the idols I set up. Finally I learn just how much I need You everyday. Whether I am in my room sitting in silence with my head buried in my hands or I am sitting on top of a tall building admiring the view and change of perspective, my emotions change, my settings change, my relationships change, but you remain the same. I am desperate for this stability in you, the peace that surpasses all knowledge. I came home today and all I could do was close my eyes and let out a huge sigh but one of those sighs where you end up smiling at the end and saying to yourself, "holy crap......that was hard....but it was still so good. so purposeful. so gracious." After it all, I can look back and see how God somehow covered all my failures and shortcomings with such kindness and grace.

So here's to these furrows on my brow and each hard-won victory, the friendships that forgave me for failing them because with welcoming arms they brought me in, my Father in heaven who brings me to true repentance through kindness and not wrath. And a toast to the lessons not yet learned and the trials that will teach them.

my prayer