optimist

my optimistic heart is slowly dissipating.
there is 80% good and 20% bad,
and I choose to only look at the 20% and beat myself up over it. I get angry, frustrated, bitter, hatred.
maybe this is me saying the 20% is more important than the bigger picture.
maybe it's me saying that the 20% reflects poorly on me.
maybe it's me thinking that I can fix the 20% and feel disgusted when it isn't fixed.
maybe it's me-

why is my life all about me?
where did I end up leaving my cross and walking on the path that seemed more pleasant and easy and fun?

I don't know where I am anymore.